The Greys, Black & White.

I almost lost my best-friend, my lover today, on my birthday. Thank you god for your grace. 

‘She may forget what you said, but she will never forget how you made her feel.’

<3

Assure someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen.

I promise that I ll love her everyday for the rest of my life.
I ve never made this promise to anyone.

Look around you, people you know are disappearing. The ones you love are not going to be here forever. Diseases and old age are the scientific reasons, fate and destiny are decided by the higher power we know about.

Life has a plan, the challenge for us is too adjust to the plan that is created for us amidst changing circumstances. Doing it alone you can’t, you will not be able to.

You need the people you love to help with god’s plan. In return, the people who loves you, just want you to love them back. The most important life’s lesson is ‘love.’

Without love you cant practice your religion because you do not have the love for god.

Without love you will never exist, thanks to love from your parents, you get to see life.

Without love, there can never be passion, because no passion, means no motivation, means no useful work or effort can be received.

Without love, you will feel empty, but when you found the person you love, you dont let the opportunity fall between your fingers, because many people take a person for granted and when they realized it, it’s often to late. Regret is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

I myself have many regrets, of not being to able to do what I can to stop my parents divorce. It gives you a scar and you sometimes feel the pain, but when someone gives you happiness than can make you forget some of the bad things that you’ve experienced in your life, it’s just an amazing feeling, because you know how happiness feels like.

You can’t be happy when you ‘ve never feel sadness and regret. You can be truly happy when you dont fight anymore, you embrace happiness.

To my soulmate, I love you will all my heart.

engkau yang terindah
yang pernah ada di hidupku
kini kau menjauh tuk bersama dirinya

mungkin aku salah
tapi bukan aku kalah
mungkin kamu lelah 
tapi bukan untuk menyerah

janganlah pergi dari hidupku
tetaplah di sini temani aku
aku akan mati ditinggal kamu
aku takkan cari hati yang lain

Sri Idayu, before you I was commitment phobic, scared of falling in love because I don’t want to get hurt, I was secretive and I kept to myself. Egoistic and erratic exuding the aura of mystery was an enigma in the making.
That stopped when I met you.
When I said ‘I love you’ it opened a door of emotions that I’ve never felt before. I felt reborn. Whatever you did to me, the significance, I feel it everyday when I’m with you. The impact that you gave me was monumental, finally at 25 years old, I was happy. The degree of happiness was huge because I felt that I was satisfied with my love life. It took me a quarter of a century for my life to turn full circle.
You’re wonderful in so many ways and you’re the right thing in my life. As I probe further you’re probably one of the best things that has happened in my life. The day when you say yes to my proposal, you’ll be the best thing thing in my life. I’m not scared anymore. I don’t want to hide anything anymore, I’ve done that for 25 yrs. Here it is, you’re my soulmate and your’re the one. I’m dead serious, this is the commitment I layed down for you, because theres no turning back now.
As I wrote this paragraph tears were swelling up in my eyes,it wasn’t tears of sorrow, rather it’s tears of joy, because it’s about you.)
However there’s something that makes me stop smiling, stop me from being happy, that makes me terrified; The fear of losing you.
The thought of you not in my life after what I have with you, will kill me. If that ever happens my life after you will always be a lie, life goes on as usual, but I’ll never be the same, I’ll be so hurt, I’ll doubt myself, I’ll never be sane because I can never have what I have with you with anyone else. If people ask me how am I, I’ll say I’m alright/ok/;The fact is that its a lie, my life after you will be a lie.
Dear Sri Idayu, my true happiness lies with you, quite simply because I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. I love you so much soulmate. You’re my motivation everyday, short-term and long-term. You took something from me that I can never take back; my heart. I want you take care of it for the rest of your life. I’ve gotta stop before I get more teary than I am now.
Ayu-Oh-San, Sayang, Baby, Hun, Mummy, Lily, Wifey, Wawa, Dear, Pixielott, Ayumi Idayu, Petum, Sayangku, Super Diva.

I prayed just now at the mosque after being away from religion. For the first time in my life I was so overwhelm by the impact of my prayers. It was surreal.

When I was praying, I don’t know what overcame me, I started crying, tears well-up in my eyes. Images of my dad, mum, grandfather and my girlfriend came flooding through my mind. I prayed for my family and I prayed for the person I love Sri Idayu. 

Sri Idayu
I prayed for your welfare, for you to be successful, to be strong despite adversities and may you find your happiness with whomever you spend your life with. If it’s me, I’ll be able to hold on to the promises that I made to you. If it’s not me, god willing, I will accept it, God is great.

I think theres a reason for everything and god is the one that decide our fate and destiny. If it’s mean to be it’s mean to be, it’s out of my hands now. I love you Sri Idayu with all my heart, I hope you come through this difficult time.